


Circle Jerks

by chooken



Category: Westlife
Genre: Cheating, Declarations Of Love, Drinking, Established Relationship, Face Punching, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Misery, Secret Crush, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 20:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3182825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chooken/pseuds/chooken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone is in love.  Everyone is miserable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Circle Jerks

**Mark Loves Brian**

Mark’s glad Brian left.

It’s easier to look across the breakfast table every morning and not see blue, restless eyes glancing carelessly back at him. It would be nice to think he misses Brian, misses him with the power of a thousand stars, but that would be lying. He doesn’t miss Brian.

How is he supposed to miss someone he hates so totally? Someone who made his heart sicken every time he spoke, or didn’t speak. Not saying what Mark wanted to hear, or casting empty words into the empty space between them. Mark fucking hates Brian.

There isn’t even a bare space across the table to moon over. They always had to drag over an extra chair to squash him in. Though that’s not entirely true, as Brian was always the first one up, and the extra chair was usually dragged over for a sleep-shambling Mark. But still, without Brian everything fits now. Brian was surplus. Unwanted. Always making things unnecessarily difficult.

Well now that’s over. And thank Christ for that.

Brian’s gone. Off drinking and fucking and creating new spirals of depression somewhere else. Kerry certainly hates him, if the papers are to be believed, and that new Aussie bird’s so dim and optimistic he doubts she could hate anyone. Although Brian’s always had a knack for helping people discover new talents.

He’s helped Mark learn to hate.

It’s easier than the alternative.

Kian reaches across for the sugar, tired bags under his eyes (and what would the girlies say about that?) and even though Brian’s been gone years, Mark wants to cry when Kian’s arm doesn’t bump his in the cramped confines of the table.

“Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“Ye okay?”

Mark nods, eyeing the space between Shane and Nicky. He’s sure it’s larger than it used to be. Emptier. Kian’s still looking at him.

“Yeah.” Mark nods. “Tired.”

“Yeah,” Kian replies. He looks tired too.

Breakfast arrives, and Mark eats, choking down his breadroll past the damp, panicky hatred in his throat.

 

**Brian Loves Nicky**

Nicky hates Brian

Brian knows that and isn’t particularly surprised. Everyone seems to hate him nowadays. He’s been vilified as the Most Evil Man Alive, and all he had to do was quit a merchandising juggernaut and leave an unhappy marriage.

People’s standards are interesting.

Nicky was always going to take it hard though. That’s what Nicky does – take things seriously. And that’s what Brian doesn’t do, according to Nicky anyway. Brian has always respected Nicky’s opinion. Maybe that’s what makes the current indignities that much harder to bear.

Of course, if he could tell Nicky why he had to leave the band, leave his wife, leave everything, Nicky would see things differently.

Which isn’t necessarily a good thing.

“Hey Nix, just called to say I’m kinda in love with you. Yeah, I know, it was a surprise to me too. Wanna go out sometime and maybe be my boyf…”

Brian almost giggles at the thought of the word. It takes him back to highschool – pretty girls leading around blushing boys. This is a much more adult state of affairs. Like adult as in adult videos, or adult themes. Except Brian doesn’t just want to fuck Nicky. He’d actually like a plot too.

He’s been drinking a lot today. Lately. He really should stop, but he likes the floaty feeling of being disconnected from reality. Nicky would probably disapprove of that. Say he’s being irresponsible. But, well, Nicky isn’t here. Nicky’s in the hotel around the corner. Nicky doesn’t know that, though. Brian doesn’t think he’d want to know.

He’s thought about going over, saying hi. The others would be happy to see him – they are still friends after all. But he’ll see them on the night, and he talks to them all the time anyway.

He doesn’t really want to see Nicky anyway. His tongue gets a bit loose when he’s had a few.

“Hey Nicky, wanna be my boyfr…”

Brian giggles to himself, laying back on his bed and staring at the ceiling for answers.

 

**Nicky Loves Shane**

Shane’s panting, and that makes him look utterly delicious. As does the spiky mess of sweaty hair and the flush of his cheeks. His eyes are… well, Nicky makes an effort not to look at those.

The bed rolls under Nicky when Shane shuffles up, straddling Nicky on his knees and spreading Nicky’s shirt apart, baring his chest. Shane is hard. Nicky’s hard too.

“I,” Shane says, leering lasciviously, “am going to fuck your brains out.”

“Are you now?”

“If that’s alright with you.”

Nicky reaches up, pulling Shane’s lips down to his, closing his eyes. Shane has always kissed like the devil, and Nicky lets himself relax into the familiarity. Fingers ghost over his skin as Shane moves in his arms. Only Shane could make humping someone’s leg the sexiest thing ever.

I love you,” Nicky murmurs, and hears Shane whisper it back. He knows it’s true. He’s never doubted that, not in six years. But lately it feels… less true. Or like he’s sharing it with someone else.

But Nicky doesn’t want to think about that, much less believe it. He’s afraid it might mean the end. Of everything.

“Do you?”

Shane smiles against his lips, scrambling them both out of their jeans.

“You bet I do.”

“More than anyone?”

Shane smiles again, and Nicky wants for him to respond. And waits. And…

And then Shane fingers enter him, and he forgets what he was waiting for.

 

**Shane Loves Kian**

Nicky makes cute noises when Shane kisses the back of his neck. Shane can taste the water from the shower in fuzzy ginger hairs, and laughs when Nicky squirms out of his arms, too impatient to dally with romance. That’s his Nicky, always the serious one. No matter how much he jokes and mucks about in interviews. But Nicky cares more than anyone. Shane gets the feeling that if Nicky wasn’t in control, the whole world would fall apart. For Nicky, at least.

“Stop it…”

“Aw… but you’re so cute I wanna eat you up!”

“Shane…!” Nicky giggles, pushing him away lightly. Shane pulls him back again. “No. We have to go. The cars are waiting.”

“Get dressed, then.” Shane smirks back, discarding the towel that Nicky’s been grasping around his waist. Nicky shakes his head, the comedy out of his eyes, and grabs his towel back.

“No. Shane…” And Nicky shakes his head. And goes into the bathroom.

Shane sits down, wondering what’s gotten into his lover. Or well… no, he supposes Nicky can’t be called his lover anymore. Lover is an illicit word. Nicky is his boyfriend.

Kian is his lover.

Just the once. Christ, it was just the once and Shane can’t get the taste of Kian’s god damn kisses off his mouth. Because Kian… god, Kian is…

Lover. Love.

Christ.

He loves Nicky. He does, he does, he does. Nicky is stable and… he loves Shane like… like Shane doesn’t know how. Like his world begins and ends with…

But Kian, well, they’ve been friends for he doesn’t know how long. And Kian loves him. He says so. But even though Shane tries, tries as hard as he can to make it true, there’s nothing that Kian can say to make that hot, feral night okay. Make it so that Shane can laugh it off and call it a silly drunken thing because…

Because Shane loves Kian. Forever.

“Nicky?”

“Yeah?” Nicky’s voice sounds faraway through the thickness of the door.

“I love you.”

There’s a pause. Tiny. Shane doesn’t even notice it. But his mind skips, like a disc with a scratch.

“…I love you, Shane.”

 

**Kian Loves Mark**

“Shane, leave me alone for fuck’s sakes.”

Kian wishes he could say that out loud. Instead he settles for murmuring it, deep in his mind, wishing Shane would stop clinging to him. Wishing Nicky would look less like a spurned lover. Which is probably just Kian’s imagination. Paranoia does that to a person. But, fuck, it’s not like he was really fucking Shane. All brown hair looks the same when it’s bobbing around in your groin and you’re trying not to throw up from all the champagne.

“I’m going to get a drink, Shane.”

“I’ll get you one.”

“No… Shane…” Nicky is sitting on a couch at the other end of the room, talking to Mark. Kian thinks he hears Brian’s name mentioned. Story of his fucking life.

Brian’s around here somewhere, probably drunk. Not a surprise – Kian doesn’t think he’s seen Brian sober once in the last… well. Kian doesn’t know how to put a number to that. He’s a fucking disaster area. Probably the most useless person on the planet, and Kian fucking hates him. It’s stupid to think that, because the others take him alright. He left the band, so what? Kian honestly doesn’t care, because that one was at least salvageable.

Oh look, think of the devil and he shall appear, drunk out of his mind as usual, and speeding toward the inevitable trainwreck. The others think he’s alright. Kian’s too used to picking up the twisted shrapnel that Brian’s inevitable binges cause.

“Nicky… Nicky Nicky.” Brian’s shoes are on the wrong feet. He pulls Nicky off the couch, the blonde stumbling into the larger man’s body. There’s a few moments consultation. Naughty boys, staring a secret. But when Nicky pulls back…

The punch takes them all by surprise.

Brian looks like he barely feels it, rocking back on his heels momentarily. Like one of those fucking blow-up clowns, the ones weighted in the bottom. No matter how many times you bop them, up they pop. Nicky’s face is red.

“Jesus, Nix…” Shane grabs his boyfriend’s arms. Nicky throws him off. Mark’s up too.

“But I love you Nicky!” Brian bawls it like a child in the middle of a tantrum. His fists are balled, and his upper lip is streaked with the same blood that’s on Nicky’s fist.

Behind Kian, Mark breaks for the door. Shane’s staring at Kian, like Kian knows what to do.

Kian follows Mark.

“It’s not fair.” Mark’s not crying. He’s huddled against the wall of the toilets, just sort of… shaking. Kian’s shaking too. They sit down together, arms around each other, a big trembling mess.

“I know.” Kian drops a kiss on Mark’s hair.

“I hate him. Brian.”

Kian nods, pulling his friend closer.

“I know.” Kian mutters. “He’s a bastard.”

“Yeah.” Mark’s hands shiver. “Is it wrong I want to give him a tissue for that nose? It was all I could think of.”

Kian smiles, reaching into his pocket. “Here.” He presses a tissue into Mark’s hands, watching trembling fingers enfold it.

He’s not going to cry either.


End file.
